Monday, July 17, 2006

Tension

Tel Aviv is still the safest place to be in the country, but I've become very paranoid, as someone who has never been exposed to tension will be. Ever since yesterday they said there was a possibility of rockets hitting Tel Aviv, I have been extremely nervous. I shouldn't be, because there isn't a likely chance, but it's always in the back of my mind.

They showed me where the bomb shelter was at work and the safest place to be anywhere: a stairwell. I know what the siren sounds like and that there is one minute from when it sounds to get to safety. I need to be inside, away from windows, preferrably in a staircase, with my head covered. I'm 30 times as likely to survive laying flat than standing up. And I am not leaving Israel. I am staying until my internship is over. Because I will be fine. Even though I can't sleep at night because I think that the busses on the sreet are really missiles, or I get paranoid when I hear people speaking Arabic or I jump at loud noises and I rehearse the route from my apartment to the emergency exit every day. This is how Hezbolla wants me to live, but I am trying not to. It's very hard. And I hate them. Hate them, hate them, hate them. Hate them for making me jumpy at work, for figuring out if I can hear the siren over the movie I'm watching, hate them for making me feel like I am trapped in an area, waiting to die.

I wish the army would hurry up and destroy the installations. I wish that they would stop the stupid Katusha rockets on Haifa. I wish so many things. I wish I didn't overreact like my Israeli friends do, I wish I could be more calm, I wish I could do stuff at work. I'm not as rattled as I sound, but last night I heard people talking underneath my window in Arabic, and I prayed that they would go away. One thing is for sure. I am going to come back to America a completely different person than when I left. But I will not let them scare me out of Israel.

Work on the other hand is good. I finished everything they have for me so far and am waiting for an assignment on google. Today we had presentations about the marketing department, which is very successful, and more about global private banking, so I didn't actually have to go to work. It's really interesting learning about the bank's infrastructure and hearing them use terms I've used in my classes: CAGR, NPV, and other methods they've taken from Harvard. I'm glad my Penn State Education is being put into global use :)

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